Desires of the Heart

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the desires of my heart and how God is acting in them,and how I am dealing with them. Today I am mainly going to focus on my main desire, this is the desire to be in a relationship/get married. I have grown to know that a relationship or getting married shouldn't define who I am and that I am enough by myself.

Thinking about relationships and my future with them keeps bringing me back to my past relationships. It makes me think about the mistake I have made and how much I have learnt from them. My longest relationship was for about 2 1/2 years, It started when I was 17. I thought we were going to get married and that we would be together forever, I think most people do at that age. At the time I thought it was the best relationship ever. Now as I look back on it with a more mature and open mind I can see all the faults in it, and the fact the relationship I thought was so perfect was actually slightly abusive.

He controlled what I wore, who I saw (if I was with my friends he would turn up after about half an hour and get me to leave), he controlled what I did and when I did it, he was with me all the time, he made me doubt what I thought I knew and doubt who I was as a person. I didn't realise he was doing this to me until after the relationship was over. He ended it suddenly and I was lost and felt worthless as I didn't have him controlling me I didn't know how to function in the real world and what was coincided normal. I started dating lots of different people and trying to find my worth through guys and how many compliments I received from men. Not a healthy way to live.

I have now been single for over 5 years now and I now know who I am as a person and what kind of man would be perfect for me. Though I do hesitate to ask a guy out or let myself like a guy. I keep my heart quite guarded and am still scared to let my self fall as I don't want to hurt my heart like it has in the past. I know my past relationships have affected this, I have been trying hard to overcome this and I think telling people and saying this out loud will help myself to over come this. I know that heart brake is all part of the dating world and if I don't put my heart out there I cannot get my desire of a husband and God will not just magically make one come into my life. so from this moment on I am going to be more confident in this area. I have amazing friends who I know would eat a whole tub of ice cream with me over a broken/cracked heart from a break up or a rejection. God is good and he wants me to be happy and have the desires of my heart. I am content with being single and I love my life, but I am going to stop being scared and trust in him. I am an amazing woman of God and he will put me in the right path of someone, I just don't know who and I don't know when, and every good story has a little heart brake in it right?!

This video below is something that I saw when I was in South Africa and empowers me to be a woman of God.