A Love letter to myself

Dear Self,

                I have been meaning to write this letter to you for the last few weeks, but I have been puttin it off because I knew it would be hard. In this letter I am going to make you some promises that once written down will be easier to keep, and if I forget them then this letter ishear to remind me. I know I am hard on you and not ver nice to you at times, but this will change. If I made new years resalutions this would be one.

Promise 0ne:

I promise to let you feel good about you accomplishments and not compare you to others as I have always done. I am me, and no one else is better at it than me!

Promise two:

I promise to not beat myself up because I don't conform to what society wants me to be. I won't judge myself because I have a job and not a career, I won't feel like a failer because I still live at home with my mum amd dad and that I'm not living independently like a 25 year old "should"

Promise three:

I Promise to look after you better than I do now, they say your body is a temple, well I havent been treating my body or mind very well, this stops NOW!

Promise four:

I promise to daily see the good that I bring to others and have inside me, and to help myself when I am stuck I am going to tell you some of them now.

You are a strong, deturmind, independent woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. You are confident, but don't be scared to show it. You have an infectious bubblie persanality and your laughter makes others smile and laugh, You should do it more often. You have such a big heart, don't let what has hurt you in the past stop you from using it and stop you from letting others love you. Walls that you build yourself seldom come down with out you pulling. You are silly in the fun way, and when you are silly and hyper you are so happy that it sines out of you like the sun and people are drawn to you because of it. you are at your best when you are the sun.

I don't often say this and you don't often believe it, but I do. I love you! And you are worth it! And most of all you are enough, you dont need to be any more or any less YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

Love Me  xxx

Life doesnt come with an instruction manual

Today was a bit of a bad day. Today I wanted the day to be over. Today I wanted an instruction manual that said "Do this, this and this and that, that, amd that will happen and you will feel this.", but life doesn't have one of those, oh how different, easy, predictable, uneventful, boring and underwhelming life would be. At least then I wouldn't have days like this. Life is a sign post with to many signs to see, print so small you can't see, and you never are allowed down the roads allocated to each sign as no one lives in the same way and everyone has to carve thier own road in life.

Life is an information board with no information on it (like the one above, which i saw as I walked along the beach today), Life is like an instruction manual in every language except the ones you can speak. This can make life magical, beautiful, indescribable, overwhelming, panic filled, scary, hard to bare, suffocating.... it can make it anything and everything. But today, for me, it was hard. And on days like this my mind wonders to all the things that could be better in my life, dreams that I want to happen and my mind twist things, doubting myself, making things worse then the are in my head, and no matter how hard I try I cant get out of the head space. Even if life had less sign posts I still wouldn't know where I was ment to go.

People keep telling me that I can controll how I feel and I can choose to be Happy. But how?? I really don't understand that, maybe when I look back at this time i will think how silly I was for not knowing that I can choose to feel happy when I feel so down. I saw somewhere a quote (I love quotes), it said something along the lines of; Telling someone who has deprestion that they have lots to be happy about is like telling some who is asthmatic they should be able to breath as there is lots of air. Which I agree with, so many people don't understand mental health and the issue you can have with it. On days like today i feel like I am stuck on a path leading somewhere you can see with no one or nothing around you, and the wind and the cold and the rain are pushing you back, and you take one step forward to only take it back again. Today was a bit of a bad day, but at least I have tomorrow.