Changes

Today as I travelled home on the train from a training day I looked out the window, The rain was coming down hard and the sea was wild and deadly looking. As my tired eyes tried to make sense of what was going on outside the fast moving train I thought to myself, a few months ago a day like this would have been tough, I would have been fighting back the tears and thinking what is the point of it all. Today was different. Today was very different.

Today when I looked out the window I felt happy. I have felt happy for a while, and not just my mood has lifted, but can't stop smiling, cheeks hurt kind of happy. It is good to have changed back to my old self, in fact I'm much happier than my old self could have ever imagined and things only look like they are going up! I have laughed so much and so extaticly and whole hartedly my eyes water non-stop and my stomach is slowly becoming a six-pack! this is a fantastic change, I love it!

Today I was thinking about my future and the changes that will be coming up in it. One of the biggest changes that is coming my way is I have made a choice to do some more study, a PGCE to be in fact. There were always 2 things I thought I would never do and that no-one would ever make me do, But God has different plans! I was never ever going to be a teacher and I never wanted to stay in Carlisle as I hate it (or so I thought)! Now, I have friends, happiness and a great bible study based in Carlisle and I want to stay so badly, though if Gods plans change I will be happy to follow where he wants me. The whole being a teacher thing has developed over the past few weeks and I feel more at peace with this next stage than I have about any other in my whole life. This is a massive positive change and a few months ago these ideas wouldn't have even crossed my mind. The difference a day or a few of them.

I am excited about my future for the first time in a long time. I know God has so much more excited things in store for me and he will reveal them when I am ready, and I am feeling so open for Change (something that normally scares me silly!) and all God's plans are going to make me feel more at ease. I have such a peace that God is going to give me the desires of my heart in a much more imaginative, overwhelming, awesome, fantastic way than I could ever think of.



Sorry haven't posted in a while, been far to happy to sit still long enough to write! I think at some point soon I will write about the desires of my heart, as I have always been to scared to share them as some strange way to protect my heart in case they don't come true!

A Love letter to myself

Dear Self,

                I have been meaning to write this letter to you for the last few weeks, but I have been puttin it off because I knew it would be hard. In this letter I am going to make you some promises that once written down will be easier to keep, and if I forget them then this letter ishear to remind me. I know I am hard on you and not ver nice to you at times, but this will change. If I made new years resalutions this would be one.

Promise 0ne:

I promise to let you feel good about you accomplishments and not compare you to others as I have always done. I am me, and no one else is better at it than me!

Promise two:

I promise to not beat myself up because I don't conform to what society wants me to be. I won't judge myself because I have a job and not a career, I won't feel like a failer because I still live at home with my mum amd dad and that I'm not living independently like a 25 year old "should"

Promise three:

I Promise to look after you better than I do now, they say your body is a temple, well I havent been treating my body or mind very well, this stops NOW!

Promise four:

I promise to daily see the good that I bring to others and have inside me, and to help myself when I am stuck I am going to tell you some of them now.

You are a strong, deturmind, independent woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. You are confident, but don't be scared to show it. You have an infectious bubblie persanality and your laughter makes others smile and laugh, You should do it more often. You have such a big heart, don't let what has hurt you in the past stop you from using it and stop you from letting others love you. Walls that you build yourself seldom come down with out you pulling. You are silly in the fun way, and when you are silly and hyper you are so happy that it sines out of you like the sun and people are drawn to you because of it. you are at your best when you are the sun.

I don't often say this and you don't often believe it, but I do. I love you! And you are worth it! And most of all you are enough, you dont need to be any more or any less YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

Love Me  xxx