Looking Forward.......Looking Back

So it's new year a time that that people normally look back on the past year. They focas on the good and the bad, things that changed them in the year and things they are glad to leave behind. Then they look to the future and always say this year is going to be my year, so much is going to change and it is going to be a good one, the best infact. So I thought I would look back on this year and put some high lights and talk about the defficulties I had and also a little bit on what 2015 might hold for me.

In January 2014 I went to South Africa for 6 months which was eye opening, but also mad me feel really alone. I found that I hate being by myself, but regularly find myself on my own. Even though I am chatty, friendly, enthusiastic and everything else you imagen popular people with mutiple friends to be, I am lonely and have few friends. I find people want lots from me but don't give back anything so I am giving on empty. Whilst I was at university I gave my all to people who needed someone to talk to, help with problems and the like, but when I was in need these people were nowhere to be seen, they weren't willing to help, left me to sturggle and cope by myself, even when I asked for help my so called good friends didn't seam to care. I no longer speak to these people, even though they promised to keep in touch, on facebook I see them all being there for each other like they never were for me, this makes me think whats wrong with me? Why didn't they want to help me? Why didn't they care? Did all that I did for them (which drained me and affected my uni life so much) mean nothing at all that they wanted to throw our friendship and my hard work to the side of the road and drive off fast without a second glance? So I built up walls and these walls were extreamly tall and thick when I arrived in South Africa. The family I stayed with, and a family that took my under thier wings, and "Aunty Dotty" helped chip away at these walls so by the time I left Cape Town, they were still there, just weaker. Also whislt I was in South Africa i took myself off my my medication thinking I was fine. Looking back now I know this was a stupid idea and something I will never do again. Whilst I was in South Africa I wrote a blog about what I was doing, but I also kept a journal of how I was feeling and writting thigs down was so much easier than saying things out loud. Hence why this blog is being written, it is so much easier to say how I am feeling when I write it down. This is proberly the most important thing I learnt this year. Below are videos and photos of how I felt and things I did in 2014...

 as for 2015 I just want to feel more opptermistic and excited about the year, and that This year WILL be a good one!! It Will be my year!!!!